Thursday, October 23, 2008

Tubbytoast


Fuck spring vegetables. Hooray Beer, I'm very thankful tonight to be done with the first set of midterms. Amen. However, I am disappointed in my roomates for not putting forth their best effort to blog about me. I am pleased I played a colorful game of quarters with flannel (Boom Boom), which brings me to the quote of the night ----"Flannel has got some jokes." I am sad, but proud to see Ari Gold move on in the hollywood ladder and become studio head. Fuck flannel for his comment throwing down my respect for the short bus. Ground control to major Tom,
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on
. Kevin has cucumbers growing out of her ears. Bitch sucks at hockey on xbox, he will never be good at anything. Da Da da da da, da da da da daaaaaa, da da da dun nuhhh nahhh, california here we come, right back where we started from. We all need sleep in the shire and animal crackers for sure. "I was like I hate my job, I'm gonna burn this mother down" and I was like "you better not, you better not". I would like to give a shout out to the movie "Titanic" for exposing all of us out there to nudity, with an innocent PG rating you have prematurely entered us into a world of greatness that we are all thankful for (yes, even you women readers have to agree). I dedicate the song of this post to my recent addiction with the O.C. of which I have watched 11 sad, long episodes in the last two days, WOOOOOOOOOWWWW. Don't judge me on this blog please. I love you, go fuck yourselves San Diego.

"Imagination is more important than knowledge"
-Albert Einstein

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Sammy Superfan

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Iceman brrrrrrr


Six people equally share the common grounds of 111 I, however there is one area in the apartment that belongs solely to one individual. Near the deep, cold caverns of the freezer is where the iceman dwells. He dominates storage by building his vast collection of frozen foods higher and higher to solidify his territory as marked, and to send a warning to all contenders that if they dare challenge him for his throne, he will cast the mightiest avalanche down upon them and they will quickly drown in a sea of frozen pizzas, chicken, and buffalo wings. The iceman keeps his hair extremely short in order to keep a consistently cool atmosphere around his thinking crown of approximately 2-3 degrees above absolute zero. Too long of a shag could cause dangerously high temperatures and could threaten the colossal frozen kingdom he has built with a catastrophic meltdown. Iceman’s illustrious dynasty began during the summer of 2007 when he lived in an industrial sized freezer at a Supervalu warehouse where frostbite caused his skin to change black, and where his blood froze and now he literally has ice flowing through his veins. When he is not busy holding his throne, the iceman tests his army tactics via call of duty 4 in a sequestered portion of his room on a small 8” television due to confidentiality of the precious material he is experimenting. The iceman is preparing for the best part of his year as winter season approaches where he can extend his dynasty out past the shallow boundaries of the freezer in 111 I. It will be no surprise to me who will be in control when hell truly does freeze over.

Ancient folklore dates Iceman's existence all the way back to when god created water for iceman to freeze.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Bitch

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Showin' (Mother of the Meathooks)


This is showin'. Graced by the hand Zeus himself at birth*, this monster is the strongest person living at 111 i north mills, bar none. Shortly after birth, doctors were awestruck at the strong meathooks he was born with instead of hands. Although he has abnormal brute strength, showin' still gets nervous when he lifts weights and usually calls upon myself to spot him while he gets his "freak" show on. Whenever I'm not available, showin' usually turns to close friend "Hicks" and usually gets his swell on playing tackle mud football shirtless in front of the serf with their other close dudes. Showin' has quite the repetoire of classes which include Ochem, fucking people up, women's studies, and meat processing and packaging-emphasis on hooking. Showin' has yet to show his superior strength to hurt any individuals in front of my eyes, but when that day comes, I invite you all to come hide under a large mountain with the hopes to hide from the forces that are sure to emerge from the depths of hell and destroy anything in its way.

-sidenote- don't thumb wrestle with his toes, his toes are stronger than your thumbs. It's been proven, You will lose.

* There has been speculation that Zeus possessed a needle and syringe filled with human growth hormone near the time of conception. Despite strong visual evidence, nothing is confirmed.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Boom Boom does Bam Bam



Over the next couple posts, I will express my view of the people I live with.

This is Boom Boom. From correcting grammar to finishing drawers*, he is very easily spotted as his large frame shines among the undersized tools that walk this campus. Some hobbies that boom enjoys include: scrabble, not showering, lounging, smoking cigarettes, drinking red dog, and playing halo. Boom is very passionate about his politics. His participation in the liberal party is quite similar to that of a third grader who is neck deep in mud from football at recess. Boom instilled fear in all the hearts of the residents of 111 I with an ulcer scare a few weeks back. I am happy to say he has made a full recovery and back to his old hobbies (see above). Even though he is packer fan, there is quite nothing like getting embraced by the bear claws that dwell south of the second amended arms he owns. If you ever need to contact boom you can probably find him doing his time honored sandstorm dance at parties, or tranquilly smoking Hookah Wednesday nights with Co.

* Asterisk denotes that the finishing of the drawer is now an event of the past since boom has stepped down from his position of finishing the drawer and no longer supports drinking of the drawer. Since boom is now done, I can safely say no one comes close to filling his shoes for finishing drawers. Last active drawer dates back to September 20, 2008 at the gracious household of 901 Oakland.


Friday, October 3, 2008

Uhgz



As the leaves turn brown, so does my heart-- towards girls that wear uggs that is. To all girls out there **NEWSFLASH** UGGS are NOT cute, they are ugly and make girls more unattractive. The sound of the name alone makes me gag, which is a shortened version of its nasty relative "ugly" . Ugliness aside, from what I hear, they are also extremely ineffective as they get drenched whenever you walk in the snow or water. So they are both ugly and useless, deeming them valid to be exterminated from the earth forever. Please, anyone who is currently wearing uggs while reading this do the world a favor; take a saw and sever your leg precisely below the kneecap and give yourself a slap on the wound in an act of self-mortification. This simple disciplinary action will save you from making the same mistake twice. I hope you learn your lesson.

and if I ever see this in public, help me god, I will sever my own legs so I would never have to share the same ground with these sad souls.